转自美国网站，希望对国内的妈妈也有一些借鉴。
My son is so special to me and my heart aches every time he says to me mummy no one likes me ... no one will play with me...how come I don’t go to anyone’s parties.... I could tell him how special he is and how loved he is and how he doesn’t need friends that are so picky and mean to him ...But the truth is having friendships helps our children grow up.... they develop social skills and they learn problem solving and conflict resolution.... They need to be able to interact with their equals...
Now my son says he spends the whole of his school day alone even though many kids who are his age surround him; its sad to say that about 10% of kids have this same thing happen to them everyday.... My son suffers big time with his loneliness and he also deals with depression that as his age seems unfair...Being so lonely causes kids to become social misfits and develop mental health problems.... The recent killings in the USA show that loneliness brings discontent. 25% of kids who have no friend’s will end up dropping out of school early...
Kids look for certain values in their friends and these decide whether a kid is accepted or rejected into the fold
The funny thing is at preschool and in early school they ask themselves no 1 only...They must be fun to be with...(I am sad to say my baby isn’t the most imaginative kid to be around.... He also gets grumpy and very sad and he likes things his way or he gets aggressive)... whereas teens are big on loyalty and trust.... a cooperative child is perceived as fun, as influencing others in positive ways, and as helping others reach desired goals. An aggressive child is often viewed as less fun to be with, as less trustworthy, and as exerting influence in coercive ways. Some children may antagonize others by being aggressive, while another annoys their peers by interrupting a lot. There are also those that are seen as withdrawn and non-responsive, or as incompetent at sports or games.
Help your child make friends by
By middle and high school age, children usually begin to have more friends. Don’t be concerned if your teen enjoys spending time alone, has few friends or doesn't yet have a best friend, as long as they are happy and otherwise developing normally. It could be a problem if your teen has no friends, and seems to be sad, lonely or bothered about this. Seek psychological help if your child is depressed or shows overly aggressive behavior. There is also a need for help if your teen gets into a gang, bullying, smoking, and substance abuse.
But for now when Jay comes home from school saying, "No one likes me. No one will play with me." I take the time to talk through the situation. I am trying to learn to be supportive, acknowledge how he feels and help him to see behavior that can correct the situation. I have taken the time to explain that in life we all can't have everyone liking us all the time but that true friends are there through the good times and the bad.
Now my son says he spends the whole of his school day alone even though many kids who are his age surround him; its sad to say that about 10% of kids have this same thing happen to them everyday.... My son suffers big time with his loneliness and he also deals with depression that as his age seems unfair...Being so lonely causes kids to become social misfits and develop mental health problems.... The recent killings in the USA show that loneliness brings discontent. 25% of kids who have no friend’s will end up dropping out of school early...
Kids look for certain values in their friends and these decide whether a kid is accepted or rejected into the fold
- Is this friend fun to be with?
- Are they trustworthy?
- Do we influence each other in a good way?
- Do they help me achieve my goals?
- Does this child make me feel good about myself?
- Are they similar to me?
The funny thing is at preschool and in early school they ask themselves no 1 only...They must be fun to be with...(I am sad to say my baby isn’t the most imaginative kid to be around.... He also gets grumpy and very sad and he likes things his way or he gets aggressive)... whereas teens are big on loyalty and trust.... a cooperative child is perceived as fun, as influencing others in positive ways, and as helping others reach desired goals. An aggressive child is often viewed as less fun to be with, as less trustworthy, and as exerting influence in coercive ways. Some children may antagonize others by being aggressive, while another annoys their peers by interrupting a lot. There are also those that are seen as withdrawn and non-responsive, or as incompetent at sports or games.
Help your child make friends by
- Read about it. Try Meet the Barkers, Franklin’s New Friend, and How to Be a Friend.
- Showing them how. Let him hear you casually strike up a conversation with another parent. Try to make time to get together with your friends on a regular basis, no matter how busy you are.
- Provide a pickup line. Tell him to keep it straightforward. E.g "I love going on the swing, don't you?" to another waiting for his turn can be the beginning of a friendship.
- Play dates. One-on-one time with pals by inviting them over to your house. Give them time to get to know each other better and have fun
- Go where the kids are. Provide plenty of opportunities to play with other kids. If your child isn't in kindergarten or preschool, join a playgroup, go to the park
- Encourage your child to explore her interests. Friendships often develop around common activities, so help her get involved in something she enjoys, my son likes swimming and my daughter does ballet and tap.... and it’s a Great ways to get friends.
By middle and high school age, children usually begin to have more friends. Don’t be concerned if your teen enjoys spending time alone, has few friends or doesn't yet have a best friend, as long as they are happy and otherwise developing normally. It could be a problem if your teen has no friends, and seems to be sad, lonely or bothered about this. Seek psychological help if your child is depressed or shows overly aggressive behavior. There is also a need for help if your teen gets into a gang, bullying, smoking, and substance abuse.
But for now when Jay comes home from school saying, "No one likes me. No one will play with me." I take the time to talk through the situation. I am trying to learn to be supportive, acknowledge how he feels and help him to see behavior that can correct the situation. I have taken the time to explain that in life we all can't have everyone liking us all the time but that true friends are there through the good times and the bad.
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